I once created a pair of big beautiful wings. When I moved across the country I couldn’t fit the wings in the car and so I took them apart and once I arrived in Texas, I rebuilt them in a simpler, sexier way…

Well the wings that I’m talking about in this blog post today are the wings of feminine energy. The wings that allow us to live the relaxed “soft girl” life.

We’ve always been told that the wings of a soft girl life only existed when through a man. But that sounds super awkward  write, and even read – doesn’t it? 

Your softness often comes through feeling safe, feminine, and feeling supported. It comes through structure – however the structure to it doesn’t have to be masculine. 

In fact, any time our “wings” our structure is masculine it requires payment. And our payment in this case is often the submissiveness to the masculine. 

In fact years ago when I learned about feminine energy every teacher I found only mentioned feminine energy as a way for lovemaking and becoming a wife. No one really taught it as reference too how to be feminine – not for him, but for you. 

And maybe this is something personally I’ve carried and just seen it naturally reflected around me – women being submissive so that their man can pay for them. 

Which begs the question – Do you have to pay with your submissiveness to live the soft girl life? I feel like subconsciously we’ve always been told yes. A man provides for you, takes care of you, and you pay with your submissiveness to him and to God.  But what if a man wasn’t in the equation at all?

I personally don’t want to wait on a man to live a soft life.

I don’t want to wait until my bank account is spilling over to live a soft life either.

I also can’t afford to wait – because the times that I’m scrimping to come up money, I’m having difficult, deep conversations with people I love, I’m crying and alone – those are the times I need “the soft life.”

Those are the times that I need the beauty and the relaxation of my parasympathetic nervous system ( the nervous system that you use for relaxation vs. stress) the most. 

And I don’t need a man to be a gate in terms of whether I not I get to access that system. 

So what I’ve personally done is that I’ve taken a very personal trainer approach to the soft girl life. 

#Step No. 1: I melt.
Something that I’ve done after facing so much trauma is that I’ve learned to brace. It’s gotten to the point that my body physically locks up.  The beauty is in the melting. So now what I do is after I brace (since it’s an automatic response) I physically melt my body. And the thing is that I’ve caught myself bracing for good things and bad things – I think it’s because I’ve lived a life where I’ve been startled for so long. 

Well when the body continuously reacts to stress it becomes programmed to it, it becomes scattered. You can’t hold your energy field in and on a spiritual level this is what the evil powers ( I really don’t like to talk a lot about this subject and keep it hidden) .  Because the purer your energy is through your healing the more they want you to be unable to hold it in your body. There are literally beings who harvest and feast off of your energy. When your living in a softer body, when you are opening up your nervous system, when you have a clearer mind. Your more in control of you. A huge part of us being in our feminine energy and femininity is our receptivity. And if your in a hard frozen body you can’t receive. 

So when your startled – melt.

When your shocked (maybe by something you see on the news)… consciously/ physically melt your body.

When your surprised and having a hard time receiving a gift or a compliment (which is also a gift and a very, very hard thing for women to do – most women can’t receive compliments), melt. 

When you melt your body you melt your nervous system so this way instead of your nervous system being shut out from your body you are giving her a home. 

#Step #2: I don’t know how it’s going to work but I’m going to show up anyway.

It feels very relaxing (for me) to have order, to have things settled and in their right place. My life has been the opposite of that.  Unexpected changes. Moving last minute. And a mountain of things that I can’t control. So the only thing that I can control is the energy field around my body. And I think that’s where I used to go wrong because I had a adopted a very “boss babe” attitude vs. a soft and feminine “soft girl life” one (mainly because I thought that soft girls were often abused but that’s a different post for a different way). Instead of closing the door to my nervous system I’ve learned to open it by first just saying what it is… “I don’t know how it’s going to work out.” And then I add “but I’m going to show up anyway.” 

And I show up in a soft girl way. In a way that magnifies my energy field. In a way that sparkles and opens up my body. 

In a way that I feel more feminine just by being there. 

Try this next time your facing something insurmountable – whether it’s dealing with creditors, walking into a huge yearly evaluation meeting with your boss, or dealing with a problem that is making you feel like the opposite of the soft girl aesthetic. Softly tell yourself, “I don’t know how it’s going to work but I’m going to show up anyway.” 

#Step No.3: I treat my body like lingerie. 

I live in my body vs. pushing her to the side. I treat my body like lingerie vs. a demon (like I used too in the past). I wear my body like it’s lingerie, I live in my body like it’s lingerie, I eat, drink, nourish and  I feel the laciest that I can in my body. I do this through my health and wellness planner and my workout plan Pancakes to Peaches everyday. But most of all I do this by listening to my body and instead of ordering around – I receive her as lace.