It feels so soft, feminine, and beautiful to live from your feminine energy and when I first saw Daphene Joy I saw a woman who was living from her feminine and effortlessly wears it as her wings.
Now a little bit of a story before I get to Daphene Joy, I have lived an “unfeminine” life. And as someone who preaches to others the beauty of feminine energy it’s taken me ages (and I’m in fact still working on it today), to uncover the beauty behind it.
I first discovered it without really knowing it was what I was discovered. I first discovered the feminine in her “erotic” form (although even as I type this I see the Feminine herself as sweet and sensual as Daphne Joy appears). I first discovered it when I saw Felix Cane pole dancing, I was captivated and as I saw Felix Cane spinning around the pole it woke up something deep inside me. At the time I was wrapping up on my degree in Exercise Science and I asked my professor if along with doing my internships with an NFL Strength and Conditioning Coach and at John Hopkins University I could also do a mini internship at a pole dancing studio (which my professor was super quick to say agree to agree with, haha).
One thing that I discovered is that often when pole dancing the women would turn into another woman. And here’s the crazy part – they would turn into the same one. It’s almost like they melt into her.
Later when returned up North for my last year of college I continued interning at a pole studio and I even bought my own pole and teach my girlfriends different tricks on the pole.
Fast forward after college and I had my pole room in the basement (which the guys at Home Depot were too happy to help with their input of how to make a custom pole since the one that I had was too tall for the basement).
After college I worked as a personal trainer and as did I lived my life in deeply masculine energy – in the energy completely the opposite of what Daphne Joy exists. It wasn’t until my youngest brother’s sickness took a horrible turn that I learned to throw my masculinity in the trash and use my femininity instead.
See there was a moment that I failed him, and I won’t share what I did otherwise I won’t be able to finish writing this article and I won’t be able to stop from bawling for days but I failed him in a horrible way, in a way that I’m still ashamed of to this day – he deserved better than how I was. And that night I made a promise. I made a promise to be a new woman.
When I was breaking down all of the sudden a TedTalk that I’ll post below, “Dare to Be Feminine For Guts Sake” by Kathour Darmoni came to mind.
At the time I didn’t have a word for masculine or feminine energy, I just knew that Dr. Darmoni was oozing with feminine energy and with thousands of years of it. And it’s not feminine energy in terms of how Daphne Joy lives it on herself (at times I think not even aware she’s doing it), Dr. Darmoni’s was rawer, intentional and even more potent.
And so I became a feminine woman. I dipped into my feminine energy to bring honey to the most painful chapter of my youngest little brothers life. And when he was gone, in another way so was I.
The strong black woman that I had used as a survival template to live the painful life I had grown up in, that template completely fell apart in my hands. It was false. It wasn’t real. And I discovered that not only that it wasn’t real but I had been molded into being a strong ultra masculine Black woman to justify the amount of bags that had been laid on my back – some of which had even been laid by me, as I had let myself be treated like a mule.
Not today.
Not anymore.
Now I live in the Princess treatment.
Now I live the “soft girl life.”
And not because my life has gotten easier, it hasn’t.
Not because my life has gotten more beautiful, it hurts everyday.
Not because I’ve felt or been protected. I have horror stories that I don’t think most people’s minds can process – they would most likely write them off as fantasy, or even more hurtful, make believe.
I live the soft girl life because my body which is so broken, beat, and traumatized that I can’t even live a normal life has given me no other option.
I live the soft girl life because that’s the only way I can make money – a stressed out haggard webcam model doesn’t make money but a woman who is authentically living the soft girl life and not simply putting on an act for the gentleman that she’s interacting with makes more money. Men can feel and even see energy (in my experience a lot of them are even in more in tune with it more than woman). And the softer and more feminine my energy and my body actually is the more money that I make. My softness brings in money. Who knew life could be like that?
So when I saw Daphne Joy I didn’t run in to demonize her or belittle her for her lifestyle. I studied her. I put the same personal training “glasses” so to speak that I used to analyze a new personal training client’s methods to look at what a “Kept woman” is actually like. And the thing is, I realized that she doesn’t do any of the steps that I’m about to walk you through intentionally (well with the exception of redirecting questions to go another way, and she even does that in a soft feminine style). Over time she’s clearly developed a series of life skills that women who don’t have access to very rich men haven’t had to use ( which side quest here but “rich” in terms of coins isn’t always the way to go because there can be this insanely scary power and control dynamic which they think that because they have the money they control you – this is even seen in situations where there’s less money but as someone whose worked with insanely rich men I swear that some of them have the kinkiest fantasies, and I’m not saying this in terms of kink shaming but it’s actually scary what some of these guys fantasies are).
So it’s almost like yes your a kept woman – but at what cost? But even so I’ve always loved studying the geisha even as a child (although they aren’t kept woman at all). I used to look down at women who were kept before I realized as a webcam model I could probably use some of their tips because I didn’t want to lose out on a sale but I also didn’t want to lose out on my dignity. I wanted both. And learning how to use my softness and my femininity has given me that.
I talked about this in a youtube video recently but during my feminine energy journey I learned about the Poma Gira – and there’s a very famous one named Maria Padhila. The poma gira are based in Brazil, they are a group of saints that protect both sex workers, abused children, and children and people who have been thrown away by society ( when I reference things like this I’m referring to the energy of it).
The journey of a Poma Gira, is a journey of a woman who has gone from being an outcast, living in the gutter to owing her own palace and having 7 kings who all know about each other but they all still cater to her and are desperately in love with her because of who she is. Daphne Joy, although she’s not “dark feminine energy” at all like you normally see the Poma Gira depicted as- although maybe we’ve been lied to in a way I don’t know, traces the arc of that journey. The way the Poma Gira women are said to do this is by using the Shekinah. Which when I did a deeper dive into the Shekinah I came up with Asherah, our ashe, Shekinah is also known in Jewish circles as the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit is called the Divine Feminine, or in my words Feminine Energy. Stay with me here, I know it’s a lot – I’m about to ground it.
At the end of the day we can wear our feminine energy like trash bags or we can wear our feminine energy like lingerie. And many women, Black women specifically wear their feminine energy like trash bags. And I’m zeroing in on Black women here because Daphene Joy is receiving a ton of hate from us. And I just want to say that the fact that so many Black men have picked or dated so many Asian women isn’t because we’re not enough. We’ve never been taught to be feminine because we’ve been taught to be oxes. The more feminine a woman is the rarer she is. The more feminine a woman is the more expensive she is. The more feminine a woman is the closer she is to Divine Feminine. The Divine Feminine was villainized way before you got here and because of this the Divine Feminine is villainized today.
I always use the analogy of walking into a Victoria’s Secret store and the entire store is lingerie – well as a woman your body is your lingerie. And there is a “fragrance section” of your body just as there is a fragrance section in a Victoria’s Secret store. It’s where your sensuality or “aura” in your body is created, and the hint of where it is in the Victoria’s Secret symbol, the “V” symbolizes where a woman’s fragrance is made and it’s also why in Sanskrit the word for a women’s “Honey” was called Amrita or “Nectar of the goddesses.” Well each women’s “nectar” has a certain flavor so to speak but in the energy realm (and when I say energetic realm I literally mean the energy of your body).
Some women’s are fantasy mists which the mists are much lighter, not as true forms of feminine energy and other women are literal perfumes of feminine energy. Those women are hard to find and they have often lived the hardest lives.
The shape has to match the design. And with most women it doesn’t. But with Daphne more components do simply because of how she carries herself in her body (which like I said earlier she is largely unaware of it).
Now when most men (and women) are calling her a modern day Jezebel and saying that she’s plotting for her next victim what their really doing is villainizing her for being the type of energy she is- her body is naturally feminine. I know this because I’ve often experienced being treated differently because I’m “too feminine.” The girl next to me can have on less clothing but I’ll be seen as the slutty one, all because my energy is so feminine. I say “Hi” or “Bye” to someone simply out of respect to him being in a room that I walked in and instantly I’m trying to “Steal their man” (like girl I acknowledged you first, trust and believe I’m not trying to take your man, I work with a ton of men not only do is it something that I would never ever do, I need a break from men and I just want to reconnect with me). Not to swear hear but the shit was exgahusting.
So when I saw Daphene Joy I didn’t see someone who was playing with her hair to tempt the men, I saw her playing with her hair as a coping technique because she’s nervous. Think about it. She was used as a humiliation ritual and the guy that she have been there – not as her husband because they we’rent married but as a Gentleman because that’s what a Gentleman would do. “Hey, I know we’re no longer together but your the mother of my son so let’s put together a plan and I’ll support you. I know that the reason that your getting attacked is to take down me as retributed for the documentary that I made on Diddy and so this is actually a call out on me. Whether or not I agree with your actions I don’t want our son caught in the middle of this so I’m going to show him how a man stands in for his family.”
I mean Daphne’s first social media post (that she later deleted) shared that she was traumatized and that watching back the video (which she didn’t know she was being filmed in) was traumatizing for her because she looking at herself could see that she was in her body.
A lot of the men that I work with on webcam are really sweet but something that I told someone the other day (and this person wasn’t sweet at all) was “Hey, just because I’m streaming on a s@x site does not mean that I’m automatically consenting to anything you want happening to my body.”
I’ve worked a ton of jobs – from personal trainer, to Victoria’s Secret sales associate, to webcam model, to Chiropractic assistant, to physical therapy tech, to also working at a sexual assault hotline and also experiencing sexual trauma myself and one thing I could see in that video is that she didn’t want to be there. Even the men who watch the video are commenting that she looked uncomfortable and that she didn’t really want it. So it’s obviously not a ploy that she cooked up.
And when it comes to her opening an Only Angels, I didn’t see that as a cash grab. I saw it as a “I’m tired of all these men having a say in my sexuality and now I’m going to have my own ownership over it, I’m taking back my agency.”
Which I think is something a ton of people are missing out on. I have an Only Angels myself and so I subscribed to Daphne Joys along with a few others as my spring time insight to see what other women are posting in comparison to me (which I know I’m not supposed to compare because every woman is different but I’m a nosey soul and it’s business).
I’m not sure why no one’s talking about this but Daphne Joy actually has very clear boundaries. There’s no “honey” on her OF. There’s no BG. There’s no “sucking cucumbers.” There’s implied nudity but even then she doesn’t show her breasts. She literally only shows her booty.
I’m only subscribed for 30 days but she doesn’t even spam the private messages like most girls do (which I don’t do that either, I don’t have an agency, it’s too much work and frankly it’s not my style).
Her page really is her sexual journey or sexual awakening into who she feels comfortable being vs. the role that society placed her in.
Now the hard part is that she’s a mom and mom’s are not allowed to be sexy (that’s not me saying that mind you). So I do feel super bad for her son and I wish that she had gone to a few sex positive podcasts run by women just to have a women give a lady perspective on a women’s body and they way we view women in society when it comes to being intimate vs. men. Male bring male perspectives, women already in the industry know the stigma that women go through. She’s trying to navigate this and none of the men that put her in this position are with her. Which ladies, please, pleeease never ever rely on a man to be your provider because it puts you into way too much of a vulnerable position. Always have your own.
Mase (a rapper) said this in regards to women and men paying 50/50 is that his mom always told him yes as a man he can cover everything but the woman should always be able to cover her amount should she need too so she’s not feeling pressured to compromise herself.
There’s also this “Catering to your man” perspective that I think Daphne’s version of catering to her man really got her in trouble. In the conversation with Cam Newton he asked who gets the warm towel after being intimate and she answered quickly that she does. I’m so embarrassed for her that I don’t want even tough on this but I will. (#1 she shouldn’t have been asked or answered that question it’s no one’s business, even if your sexual). But since it’s out there. After being intimate with a man you really want to keep it sexy but also still be honored. And going to get a warm towel and wiping him off after his s@xual mess is like turning into his mom but in a weird sexual way, but not only that it’s totally demeaning because he was just inside your body and then you clean him up from it??
GIIIIIRRRRRLLLLLLL please!
- If your going to “clean up” use your tongue – at least that’s sexy.
- Take a shower and clean up together.
- A true gentleman will clean up your thighs with love, not vice versa.
(And mind you I haven’t had a ton of experience and the one that I have had was the wrong experience).
But mind you as long as that’s a woman standard and the other standard is being provided for – it’s a very tricky path which can lead you into some very dark, dangerous, and down right nasty places.
But that being said back to the Poma Gira. The Poma Gira was said to use the Shekinah, was said to use her divine feminine energy to enraptured men.
And men are falling at Daphne Joy’s feet.
(PUT IN EXAMPLES).
No one has heard her talk until now other than a picture or really short video.
And it turns out she’s sweet.
Really, really sweet.
She’s also gorgeous.
And at the time when she was with these men she had no sense of self (which is what men like this look for).
She said it herself, “They shaped me into what was convenient for them. And I allowed it because I wanted to cater to my man.”
I think we, especially as women have to look at the actual story. I haven’t seen this many men fall over since Marylin Monroe. This is how powerful Daphne Joy is.
But the power isn’t her masculinity.
It’s her feminitniy and how she carries it. And I took a few notes and this is what I saw…
a woman who has gone from being a throwout in scoiety and
As an Only Angels and webcam model I’m enraptured by Daphne Joy, I have a full blown girl crush on her. Nothing sexual but as a feminine energy coach and personal trainer (which I do as well) I’m impressed by the discipline that she has to look that good and from a feminine energy perspective the way she taps into her feminine energy when around men and the way she uses her feminine energy and femininity for herself is so inspirational and goddess-like. We live in a very high powered, fast-driven masculine world. And because we women who are carriers of feminine energy have grown up in a highly masculine world a lot of us have adapted to it in a way that has led us to not becoming who we would have naturally become if we were raised in a world in which it was safe to be a woman.
In order to protect ourselves a lot of us masculinized ourselves. However the truth is that when you use your feminine energy around a man you have a certain power that will leave him absolutely powerless. And that’s what Daphne Joy is so great at. She says that it isn’t a formula, she just naturally listens and actually cares about the person that she’s listening too. And when I watch the recent interviews that she’s done I can see that she practices active listening skills. But there’s also something more…it’s her aura.
Now every women’s aura is uniquely their own however every woman is made up of the same feminine energy field, “The secret to lingerie is all in how you own it,” Is a saying that I used to tell my customers when I worked at Victoria’s Secret. Well the truth is that a lot of us are wearing our feminine energy like trash bags instead of wearing it like Chanel. If our feminine energy was a child she would be a forgotten one. And sadly, because feminine energy isn’t taught or it’s only taught in terms of dressing nice or wearing lipstick – a lot of us are completely naked of our feminine energy. We’re not wearing it at all. This is a spiritual battle and part of this battle was making sure that women weren’t feminine. Because it’s when we are who we naturally are as women we are protected the most.
Feminine energy can be used for bringing your body back to life.
Feminine energy can be used to regulate your nervous system.
Feminine Energy can be used to create successful businesses.
Feminine energy can be used for dating.
And feminine energy can be used in power dynamics with men.
I’ve been studying Daphne Joy’s most recent interviews and these are just a few tips that I’ve picked up…
#1. The beauty of the softness of a female voice.
I remember once hearing about a study where it found that it’s easier for men to hear a women’s voice when it’s gentle vs. shouting. When a women’s voice is loud or brash listening wise it’s like their tuning into a musical station and the music can’t come through, it’s harder for them to “hear” that type of music vs. when a woman speaks gently it’s easier for a man to process what she’s saying.
2. Naturally being “Soft, feminine, and buttery.”
When a woman is soft she’s receiving her energy field into her body, which connects her more into her body and makes her insanely magnetic.
3. Empathize with someone, carefully listen and provide eye contact.
A lot of times it can be easy to listen to someone with the purpose of interjecting your own point vs. actually, carefully listening to the person. When a person is listening to be listened too you learn a lot about them and they will feel it energetically too.
4. Owning your sexuality does not have to be vulgar.
I’m not sure if it’s just social media but the potral of a lot of Only Angels girls is very promiscuous. The more subtle marketing of Playboy or the even more discrete high class call girl, neighborhood girl next door whose a “Lady in a streets, freak in the sheets,” has disappeared. I think a bunch of things is at play, marketing sex and think that marketing sex has to be vulgar vs. classy but I think it also goes deeper than that. I did a blog post about transparent fashion and in it I shared that dressing sexy doesn’t mean putting on less clothes (and I also gave concrete fashion examples as well). And I think that a lot of women think that owning their sexuality is putting it all out there. When I just firmly believe that they (guys) know that I’m a woman and what I have to offer and the fact that I’m offering it makes it special (it was a long road for me to get to that point for sure though).
What I loved about Daphne Joy is how she is classy and she admits that she has a high sex drive but she’s still a woman that loves wearing dresses and simply love being a woman.
We don’t have to give up our femininity for the other but we can have both!
5. Touching your body.
One thing that a woman who used to be a stripper in NY and went on to teach a huge StripXpertease training program and run her own dance studio once taught me is that when you touch your body the man that is looking at you, his imagery is that it’s his hands on you. I use this while being a webcam model and this works like gold!
Daphne Joy does this unintentionally, she was just playing in her hair because she was nervous and it’s a coping mechanism but it looks flirty because her hair is a part of her body (and in terms of touching her body she was just adjusting dress and the men thought it was about them!)
6. Receiving compliments.
The energy of receiving is very feminine but a lot of women have a hard time receiving compliments. Simply receiving a compliment as a woman is the most feminine thing that you can do! It sounds silly and simple but it’s harder to do then it seems. Next time your given a compliment receive it, don’t throw it back, but really receive it and let it sink in.
7. Her aura.
Her aura is what makes her special, but also it makes her fully moldable energetically. Daphne mentioned that sometimes others in pervious relationships molded her into something that was perfect for them which is so sad. The more feminine energy a woman has the more moldable she is (think of it as a large giant ocean without any structure to it). Because of this women who are feminine especially need a deep sense of self (almost like an anchor, this is why I love to share about the goddesses).
8. Boundaries.
Daphne Joy is getting a lot of flack for her OF and to me the funniest thing is that she has one of the tamest OF that I’ve ever seen! There’s no diamonds, sucking, or cream. She felt the most comfortable with showing booty teases and so that’s what she shows. She actually shows more on her IG page than she does on her OF page. I loved that she didn’t bring attention to that but she just quietly marches to the beat of her own drum.
She also has DM’s form Billionaires and millionaires and very important people in her inbox and she said she doesn’t reply to them because she knows what their related too. She’s not capitalizing on the moment as a cash grab but taking ownership of it and “making her pain pay her” and pay her in a big way!
9. Actually being smart.
Some feminine energy “coaches” teach that you have to play dumb in order to be attractive to a man but men my admirers on webcam love it that I can bring something intelligent to the conversation and more than just my body and Daphne Joy is the epitome of that as well.
10. Verbal and non-verbal boundaries.
I go into this a little bit deeper but both silence, a simple eye stare or simply stating “Hey go in a different direction, ” are all examples of beautiful boundaries that any person can have.
11. Men love to teach.
This one I’m a bit iffy on but I find that when I come from a place of curious wonder (and not in a situation of being “talked down too”) I love to explore and have a different world opened to me and a lot of men love to do that and in a way be a container – or even better open up the door for a woman to a new world.
12. The sexual pause.
“Sometimes sexuality isn’t talking. Sometimes it’s the simmer between you.”
13. Be mystical.
Her entire trash door isn’t open. For a lot of us women we tend to open up our entire trash draw and then take the fact that a man is receiving of what we see as our “trash” means that he loves us. We have to be so careful when we do something like this because it can lead to us being taken advantage of. But also, it’s up to US to HEAL our trash. I remember reading in a men’s health magazine that one thing that he loves about his wife is that he’s been married to her for x amount of years and every day he’s still discovering more about her!
Keep something to you always xox.
Also on a sexual level Daphne said that “She likes being my man’s pornstar.” Some things are so hot when their between you and you.
14. Take your time.
Something that I thought Daphne did such a great job in her interview is that she took her time in her responses. That’s very feminine and still something that I’m still working on.
15. Foreplay before diving in.
When it comes to being romantic (isn’t funny that a large part of Daphne Joy’s interviews honed in on her sexuality and I am just getting to now?) However when it comes to sexuality Daphne Joy shared that she enjoys taking her time with her lover. Lots of foreplay but even before that looking at someone’s hands, eyes, etc. vs. diving right into things.
16. Don’t lose the essence of who you are.
This can be taken in so many ways however in this case Daphne was talking about her OF and someone was asking her about the money, she said that even in the money it’s important to not lose the essence of the why behind what you are posting.
What do you think Gorgeous? Are these tips things that would help and connect you with your feminine journey as well?
“Being this feminine has allowed me to hold onto my sensual design as a woman.”
Being this feminine has given me back to my body.