Lately everything from shopping at Starbucks to buying shoes at Macys to treating myself out at a “solo date” all being wonderful self love activities have been met with what I’ll call “racial disrespect” in leu of calling it racism – harsh blatant stares in my face stares, intentionally not serving me. Things that are much lighter than being called the “n” word by a bunch of little kids as I was walking home from dance class. But it’s still hurtful to the spirit. Especially when it takes me so much, in my chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia state to leave the house. I know that my experience isn’t something that a lot of people can relate too but sometimes the small overlooked woman in the corner needs some love. Especially if the small little woman whose still in many ways – even at 38 is still that scared young girl needs some love. I’ve kept the details of each situation light because I don’t want to share a play by play in my experiences because that wakes up trauma in others (and also I know many others will dismiss it). However just know that if the feeling of be treated with extra harshness is something that you can relate too, the 10 tips below can do a lot to help your spirit feel lighter, healthier, and brighter from within.
#1. Reconnect with feeling pretty.
When your being hurt – spiritually or physically, when your on the defense even if you’re using your softness you yourself don’t feel pretty because you are defending yourself and your walls are up. One thing that can really help after surviving a racist moment and letting yourself breath and feel safe and also recovering from the hurt is that as you recover take the time to reconnect with feeling pretty.
I recently bought a bedazzler off of Amazon so that I can literally add sparkles to anything that I want. Feeling pretty can be playing in your makeup, putting on fake nails, or wearing your favorite lipstick (I swear lipstick heals the soul!)
#2. Pour yourself a bubble bath, add some flower petals to your bubble bath and listen to Nina Simone and cry.
They say that when our ancestors were ensalaved that Oshun who is the Orisha of sweet waters (fresh water) wanted to cross the ocean with us but because she was an Orisha of fresh water she couldn’t so her sister Yemaya who is the Orisha of salt waters helped her. She carried Oshun across the ocean. This is why after our tears which represent Yemaya we have that moment of sweet softness which represents Oshun.
#3: Remind yourself that your ancestors survived slavery, your still a human and that there is nothing scary (or ugly) about you.
I think this is especially important for our men, walking down the street with people acting like their scared of you or like you’re a threat, even if you mentally know that your not a threat the body subconsciously can pick up on how your being reacted too so making sure that signaling safety within yourself and reminding yourself that you’re not a threat can literally change the energy field around your body. This can work for everyone.
#4. Watch clips of Clair Huxtable and other goddesses who inspire you and reconnect with the poise and the elegance that naturally comes with being a black woman. Patti LaBelle is another women who I love who has talked about the racism that she faces but still is one of the classiest ladies on earth!)
5. Be inspired by watching Tyra Banks (or whatever Supermodel that looks like you who inspires you) strutting down the runway. The essence that Tyra Banks walks down the runway is with so much confidence that the inner angel inside of me can’t help but wake up and remember who I am again!
#6. Yoga.
I’ve found it really healing to find a yoga video of someone who specifically looks like me and I stretch I feel like I can relate to them and cry.
Here are a few teachers that I enjoy:
#7: This video “A Mediation for Black Women” is such a healing practice that it completely healed and released me as well as my history:
#8. Erotic Dance.
Sometimes I put on slow music and do an erotic dance full of slow sensual natural movement that allows me to drop deep into my body. The slower I dance the more pain that is allowed to be released out of my body.
#9. I tap into the energy of the Poma Gira, not by worshiping or sacrificing to them/her but simply just thinking of them/her. In one of the scariest times in my life it was the energy of the Poma Gira that helped to give me protection (and I’m sure that angels were working overtime that day too!) The Poma Gira are a group of saints in Brazil who often fight for the ones who have been “othered” by society. There’s something about the feminine energy of the Poma Gira that scares others around you. I’m not into goddess worship as others typically are and I’m someone whose hesitant about going to deep into energy and frequencies because they are real. But my experience with Poma Gira energy has made me realize that it’s a secret weapon even if I don’t properly know how to use it.
#10. Connect with my/your senses.
If the experience of racial discrimination that I’m having is demeaning but not deadly then I’ll get in touch with the sensuality of my body. Especially for a woman it feels good when we are literally in our bodies. So I’ll focus on how sensual the plate feels under my fingertips for example (if I’m at a restaurant), how the bench feels underneath me, and I try and tactile find things in my environment that I can use the goodness of my senses to hold.
I wish that we lived in a world where kids weren’t taught to treat certain people differently because of the color of their skin and that adults gathered and supported and collaborated with each other in hard times instead of seeing each other as competition or dropping the blame on someone just because they don’t like the way they look.
We can’t change the world outside of us but we can change the world inside of us into a world of peace, love, compassion, and safety. And when we transform the world outside of us maybe someday the world outside of us will change too.
#11. Cultivate a friendly energy.
In the present environment it seems like racism and racial disrespect is on the rise – and it is, people are unhappy and some feel better dumping their own unhappiness on marginalized people. There is also a very powerful energetic background to why specifically we as a Black race were targeted and dehumanized.
That being said though we have to be super careful because there is something called the reticular activation system and it’s been proven that the more that we look for or notice something the more we will see of it (i.e. if you buy a red honda all of the sudden you’ll see red honda’s everywhere you look).
Also spiritually I’ve heard one partitioner say that what they are doing with the roast of Kevin Hart and that horrible joke about Mr. Floyds death is that they are energy harvesting us. Their goal is to get us upset. But back to the reticular activating system and the beauty of neuroscience, the secret is to notice the people that aren’t racist > the ones that are. Always be safe and aware of course but after experincing one racial disrespect experience it leaves a bad taste in your soul, it’s a trauma imprint. However (and this takes a ton of strength to do this) “hold the door open” for the next person that you meet or come across not to be racist. Even if it’s just a span of 2 minutes.
I live in a very racially tense place and one couple can walk by me and give my nasty looks and/or say something and 5 minutes later another couple walks by and the woman is complimenting my outfit. Because of what I had just experienced 5 min before of someone demeaning me, I could have had my boundaries up but instead I intentionally did a small “shout out” in my head to the person who was nice to me > focusing on the bad.
I hope these small tips have helped and been healing in some small way and I would love to hear yours too!
xoxo.
